In my novel I talk about the sensitive subject of sexual perversion and my pornography addiction.
Many times in my marriage I chose masturbation over the intimate moment with my husband. With the secret of this addiction I found nowhere to turn. I felt hopeless, mainly because my secret brought such shame. I felt that people, especially the women that prayed and spoke in tongues, believed that only men or the sexually abused struggled with the addiction of masturbation. I didn’t want to talk to my friends, I couldn’t tell my Pastor and I didn’t know how to tell my husband, let alone ask him to forgive me for my distant behavior.
My only reason for discussing something so personal and private is to help other women who are silently struggling in the pews with this same pain as I did. After my divorce I went from man to man attempting to satisfy the sexual urges I felt; attempting to satisfy the insatiable need for sexual penetration. As cliché as it may sound from the outside I need you to know that those experiences will never fulfill you. They are only a temporary solution that will not fulfill you permanently.
The only One that can satisfy you is the Lord. His love is eternal and although there may still be an ache I can guarantee that the fight get’s easier. What you may have struggled with everyday will become less and less of a struggle overtime. There is hope. There is deliverance. Know that the word of God is clear when He says that He came that you may be free…. Free from bondage. His desire is that none would be held captive with anything.
I still struggle with the overwhelming urges, but God gets me through. I am honest with my husband and with myself and my goal in life is to create a safe environment for other women to come forward and support each other. Listen, you don’t have to suffer in silence any longer. We are our brother's and sister's keeper!
Father, I am coming to you on behalf of my sister or brother that is reading this. Father, if they are struggling with any kind of sexual perversion I ask God now that they be healed. Father, your Word says that you would that no man would perish and that we would be free now I speak freedom over them in the Name of Jesus. Father, I ask that as you say in your word that in situations that they find themselves tempted that they would see and feel the way of escape. Father, give them strength to reach out to the right people and discuss this without shame or fear or rejection. Father, now I ask that they find an outlet that keeps their mind on things that are lovely, pure and of good report. All these things I ask in your son Jesus name.. Amen....
Be Blessed.
